Have you ever felt like you weren't being appreciated by a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a love interest? Have you felt they are not giving you their time like they alluded they would? I'm pretty sure that we all have, and it really sucks the first time you go through the process.
While it's inevitable to go through, how you handle the situation thereafter can make a world of difference. I feel so strongly about this topic that I recently released a song all about it. Why did I make the song? Well, I wanted to give myself and other people going through a similar problem some positive perspective that can ease the pain.
I came up with a series of steps you can take when you're going through this situation and a few things you want to keep in mind to make the process go through smoothly.
This way, you don't get stuck in a half-ghosted loop where you're almost cut off or cutting someone off, but not quite, and one or both parties feel the need to check in here and there, but the commitment obviously isn't happening.
The first thing you want to do is identify and fully feel the feelings of being slighted. The longer you try to go through a denial phase like you aren't bothered, the longer you will be stuck in this process and wasting time trying to make sense of why someone isn't giving you what they made it seem like they would.
It could be a friendship, a job, a love interest, a parent, or anything. All types of relationships can cut you deep when the other party doesn't make time for you. Don't be afraid to confide in a close friend about it so that you can release that negative energy.
After you confront your feelings, it's now time to confront the truth about what their feelings are based on their actions. There are always a million different unique circumstances in instances like this, but it all boils down to the fact that the person is putting other priorities over you.
They could be doing this on purpose or doing it on accident. They could mean well but not know how to tell you, or they could be trying to play some type of manipulative trick. No matter the reason, the truth is that they don't have the time for you, and that is all the info you need. Be Candid But Tactful
Once you wrap your head around the fact that they aren't prioritizing you, you may want to sit on that for a while and let your feelings settle. Depending on how important this relationship is to you, it could cause you to become very angry or sad to the point where conversation won't be a great idea because of the emotions you are dealing with.
Once you gather your feelings and thoughts, you can either reach out or wait for them to reach out to you. But closure conversations can be seriously overrated.
The type of relationship you have will influence this, but if you feel like it would be awkward for you to start the conversation with, ease it into the next time they reach out and you talk. Tell them that the timing isn't working out for you both as well as you'd hope, and fall back if you must.
At this point in the conversation, the person will tell the truth about why they don't have time or come up with an excuse. No matter what is said, stand your ground depending on what boundaries you want to set.
Are you willing to give the one more chance? Do so, but make sure it's just one. Are they willing to fall back as well? This makes it easier, although it may be awkward.
Are they ghosting you after that? Don't be tempted to reach out to them; let it be. Are they offended? Try to be tactful and not hurtful, but let them know that you don't feel prioritized, so you are changing yours around.
Falling back into a relationship or ending it all together can be a stressful time. You're going to feel down and feel bad. Again, allow yourself to feel those feelings. Work in some positive thoughts about it, too, though, like how you've grown from the experience and how it will make you more resilient in future relationships.
Take the good aspects of the relationship and hold on to those aspects so that you won't feel that negativity eating at you so much.
This last part can be the most freeing of it all. Instead of focusing on how that relationship didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, shift your attention to the things and people in life that you still have and can be deeply grateful for.
You likely have people, passions, hobbies, and past successes that you can cherish and focus more time on in the now. The lyrics I wrote for my song have the following lines in the hook:
"People make time for what they want, So if you ain't gonna call me, then don't front.
You ain't gotta lie and waste my time; plenty of people still around me think I'm fly."
As a session singer, writer, and producer that has worked with over 200 clients to provide high-quality jingles, singles, features, nursery rhymes, and DJ drops, she currently spends her time engulfed in creating and marketing new music and helpful resources for creators. Her most recent creative collaborations include work with PBS Sound Field, Tribe of Noise, and the National Black Chamber of Commerce. Check out Yona’s latest music releases on her Spotify, her Youtube and share the music if you like it!
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