If you're into musicians or similar artists, you are in for a treat and a hell of a crazy ride at the same time. Us musicians can be extremely creative and exciting partners, but we are not for everyone.
I dated a few musicians and non-musicians alike in my teens and twenties, and I can definitely say that musicians stand out in terms of uniqueness with the journey that you'll go through.
As a musician myself, I ultimately married a man that has a deep love for music but is not a musician himself, so take that how you may. Two musicians together may turn out to be a bit too chaotic (but it works sometimes!). One musician in a couple? Very doable!
There are a few general tips that I think several people who have dated musicians or are musicians themselves will be able to attest to.
There may be little wiggle room when it comes to bending the rules because were are all different as human beings, but we often share similar qualities as well when it comes to dos and don'ts in relationships!
If you're the type to get annoyed when someone is often late, then you might not want to date a musician. We are notoriously all over the place when it comes to timing, no matter how hard we try.
Some of us have fought against it so hard that we can often be right on time and late to things only 30% of the time, but many of us are late to things over 80% of the time.
It's often due to the fact that we are overbooked or unorganized in our hectic schedule, whether we are working multiple jobs or going full-time with our creative endeavors.
All types of people have a crush on musicians, and them having a partner will not stop the crushes from their fans. If you're the overly jealous type, you might don't want to date a musician.
Your love interest will always catch people's eyes and ears and often be the center of attention, especially lustful attention. This gets amplified in certain styles of music like pop, R&B, and hip-hop. And this applies to all genders of people!
Now just because your boo is getting attention does not mean that you can accept disrespect from them. A lot of no-good musicians will give you some excuse about how they can't be faithful but expect you to do so.
You and your partner should establish clear boundaries that both parties are comfortable with, and those boundaries should always be respected, no matter what people on the outside of your relationship want.
Creative types love to be up in the wee hours of the night. If you're a strict type who likes to sleep by nine and up no later than 6, you will not get along with a musician at all.
Not only do we get more creative juices flowing at night, but we often have gigs, studio recordings, and travel plans that demand us to keep strange hours. This often also means that you will find us waking up after 10 am quite often.
Some people absolutely hate the idea of that, so communicate with your partner about it before you get into anything too serious!
Musicians are often very in tune with our emotions to the point where we get labeled as emotionally intense. If you're the type who doesn't like to get too deep, you may not fit well with a musician and find them to be annoying.
To deal with passionate people like musicians, you will need to have a great number of communication skills along with compassion, empathy, and patience. It may sound like a lot, but these are things that all relationships can thrice with.
Musicians are often on tour for weeks or months at a time and away from their romantic partners. If this idea absolutely frightens you, you may not have luck with a touring musician but could have success with a local one.
Artists also tend to have a lot of alone time to be introverted and have their own creative space to thrive in. Don't take it personally and think that we are trying to get away from you in particular; we're often just really in love with hanging out with ourselves.
All types of creatives will deeply appreciate a supportive partner, but some partners like to take things way too far and get too involved in the musician's process. The levels of obsession that are appropriate will vary from couple to couple, but just make sure both parties feel comfy.
You don't want a musician partner that feels like you don't care about anything they are doing creatively. You also don't want a musician partner that feels like you don't ever give them space to do their thing.
A musician's life is constantly evolving if they are going about things in a successful manner. You will find that their schedules and locations will often change, and if you want to be a part of their life, you will have to be okay with the possibilities!
Some people really require stability and predictability when it comes to their dating partners, so you will not want to go for a musician if that's your case. The lifestyle will drive you insane with anxiety.
With all of the distance and admiration from people outside of your relationship, you want to be confident in yourself and your partner's actions as well. If you're the type to be extremely jealous and untrusting of someone due to distance or fame, save yourself the trouble.
You may think that you can handle dating a musician, but you could test the waters and find that that particular type of exposure won't work for you. Again, this is especially applicable to pop genres that are often oversexualized.
Sometimes, lyrics or performances could lead to insecurities and mistrust when it comes to a musician and the person they are saying. Communication (and honesty, of course) is a huge part of keeping this trust alive and well in the relationship.
You could trust your partner and not be phased by the crushes that their fans and listeners may have on them, but you should also be okay with not being the center of attention in general.
When you're with a musician, especially if they are performing or generally well-known, there will be times when it feels like you are lesser than in the relationship.
It's important to be confident in yourself and your good qualities as a person as well. While your musically inclined boo can woo a crowd with their voice or their instrument, I'm sure there is something that you get compliments on as well.
Just not as much as they will :)
Last but not least, please actually have an interest in your date's music. If they are cute, but their band sucks, you will find yourself very annoyed very fast. If they are a beautiful soul, but they sing off-key and constantly, you may begin to resent them.
It's cool to have a partner that sings off-key a lot if they don't do it seriously for their career (like my husband), but hits a whole new level of sad when it's their main passion.
If you don't actually like what your partner is doing creatively, you will find it awkward when they are constantly babbling to you about their work and asking you for feedback. There could be a sense of fakeness and dishonesty that will bleed into other aspects of your relationship.
As a session singer, writer, and producer that has worked with over 200 clients to provide high-quality jingles, singles, and features, Yona spends her time creating and marketing new music and helpful resources for creators. Her recent collaborations include work with PBS Sound Field, Tribe of Noise, and the National Black Chamber of Commerce. Check out Yona’s latest releases on her Spotify, her Youtube and share if you like it!
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